Day Eighteen: A Time I Felt Passionate and Alive

When was a time that I felt passionate and alive?

Division IV MSTCA State Relays 2009

As you may know, I used to be a track athlete, and although I wasn't very good at what I ran, I had a lot of determination and love for the sport. I loved the team bonding and constant encouragement from my teammates. Throughout my track career, I always asked myself why I decided to put myself through the pain -- i.e. running in a hailstorm, stairs workout on the bleachers at the football field, hill workouts, SIX 400ms circuits, ladders (2x500m, 2x100m, 200m, 300m, 400m and back down again -- the absolute worst!), etc. -- but on this day, I knew exactly why I ran track and why I kept coming back year after year.

Last year, my high school had the honor of hosting the Div. IV State Relays at our beautiful track. This was always my favorite meet, as over 45 schools in Massachusetts came to compete. This was my first (and unfortunately last) year running the open 400m and the 4x400m, and my coach had put together a 4x400m relay to run at this specific meet. I think there were over 1,000 people present at the meet and my parents even decided to show up (they never liked going to meets because they were always three to four hours long) to cheer me on. I was the first leg of the race and was first place for half of the race (which is only 200m -- not a big distance at all). That day, my 4x400m team ran a 4:38:84, which was only ONE second off of qualifying for the Div.IV States meet. I was so jacked up after hearing this and felt as though I could run another 400m.

We never actually qualified for States, but the fact that we were so close to qualifying was enough for me. It
was such a memorable day for me and I celebrated by going out for ice cream with my closest teammates afterwards... perfect end to the perfect day!

I'll Never Break Your Heart.

The last time the Backstreet Boys sung this to me, there were still five of them. However, this song became a lie in 2006 when my heart broke into pieces the day I found out Kevin Richardson was leaving the group. Kevin was the tallest guy in the group with the bushy eyebrows and baritone voice. He was never my favorite, but I still felt as though he was a member of my Backstreet family.

In my early years, I was -and still am- completely and utterly obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. My family friends who were 5-6 years older than me would always listen to BSB whenever I was over their houses, and they clearly influenced me to join the bandwagon. When I was 9, I would listen to the Millenium album on repeat, and once the Black and Blue album came out, I listened to that until the songs started to skip from overuse. In the summer of 2001, my mom surprised me with tickets to see them on their Black and Blue Tour (yes, the tour that got postponed due to AJ's drug rehab). The original date of the concert got pushed to September 10, 2001 (I know). It was my first concert and I had so much fun! We had awesome seats and I made a poster and everything. In the middle of the concert, they surprised us and showed up in the middle of the arena, instead of the stage, so they were even closer to where I was sitting. Of course, at 11 years old, I was positive that they made eye-contact with me at one point.

I wish I could embed this into the post but YouTube won't let me... click here for footage of a concert from their actual tour and feel like a young teenybopper again (side note: seeing mothers with their young babies in the audience made me laugh. My mom bought earplugs and had them in the whole time when she took us)...

... which leads me to this conclusion: you are never too old for a BSB concert. On Tuesday, June 8, I will be attending my second BSB concert in Boston! I am as giddy as I was 9 years ago and I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I'm going with one of those family friends mentioned above, who is now 24... Like I said, you can never be too old. Don't judge us :)

Tell me whyyy, ain't nothing but a heartbreak. Tell me whyyyy, ain't nothing but a mistake. Tell me why, I never wanna hear you sayyy, I want it that wayyy.....

"Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one" - Brad Paisley (on New Year's Eve)

We are seven days into the new year and decade, and it's a little bittersweet as I look back and realize how much joy was brought into my life during the past year. From making the most of my senior year in high school to spending a summer changing kids' lives to starting a new chapter in my life at Salve Regina, it has been such an eventful year and I am thankful for every moment. Yes, there were some unfortunate and heartbreaking moments brought upon to my family, friends, and myself, but I must (and have) look above that and realize how everything could have been much worse. I finally understood that everything does, in fact, happen for a reason, and I can either embrace that or let it tie me down.

In 2009, I... performed (instead of play in the orchestra) in my first musical Footloose, attended a luncheon for receiving the Reuben & Lizzie Grossman award, cheered on my friends as they: went to the state semi-finals at the Boston Garden in basketball AND won the state championship in baseball, went to the State House for Student Government Day, attended a Jack's Mannequin/Matt Nathanson/Erin McCarley concert, ran the open 400m & 4x400m relay in track and was one second off of making states, received the most scholarships at senior awards night, ranked tenth in my graduating class, gave a speech (and cried) at graduation, went to a Red Sox vs. Texas Rangers game, proctored at PCC, said goodbye to my best friends as they all left for schools over four hours away, moved into Salve Regina and received a special scholarship, was elected to be an on-campus senator, and earned a 3.81 GPA for my first semester.

So regardless of the downs (as in ups-and-downs) of this year, which I will leave unmentioned, it has been a pretty successful year and I honestly believe it could not have been gone any better.

2010, what do you have in store for me?


"For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning." - T. S. Eliot